Alright, so there are a lot of reasons adults feel exhausted. If you’re working an executive job, well, that’s obviously going to be one. But on top of that (or just outside of that), there are other work-related responsibilities, then you have family, finances, and group chats that never end. But there’s a specific kind of tired that hits different, well, the kind that lingers even after sleep, feels like walking through molasses, and leaves you feeling detached from your own life. But honestly, for some people, that exhaustion comes from masking.
So, masking, for those unfamiliar, is the act of putting on a socially acceptable version of yourself to blend in. It can look like forcing eye contact, mimicking facial expressions, pushing through sensory overload with a smile, or rehearsing conversations in your head before they even happen.
It might start off feeling like a way to stay safe or get by, but over time, it drains people. Completely. Yep, it can do it, and sometimes you don’t entirely realize you’re doing it because your brain goes on autopilot.
What Masking Actually Looks Like
It isn’t always theatrical. It can be subtle, not speaking up when you’re confused, saying yes when you mean no, pretending to follow a joke you didn’t understand. Some people do it so well and for so long, they barely know they’re doing it. It’s not limited to one context either. Workplaces, social events, classrooms, family dinners, but honestly, masking can sneak into every space where someone feels like their natural self isn’t “right.”
People who mask often report feeling like they have to constantly monitor their behaviour, facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. It becomes second nature to measure every interaction and make adjustments in real time. That kind of mental load can be exhausting before the day even starts.
The Burnout Behind the Smile
Well, if you’ve ever made it through a busy social day only to feel like collapsing the second you’re alone, you might already know this feeling. Autistic adults, in particular, often experience what’s known as “autistic burnout.” It’s not just feeling tired—it’s a deep fatigue that impacts thinking, physical health, emotional regulation, and day-to-day functioning.
But even if someone isn’t formally diagnosed, years of masking can lead to the same kind of burnout. Pushing down natural instincts, overthinking every interaction, pretending to be someone you’re not, it’s not just tiring, it’s unsustainable.
And the tough part of it all? Well, a lot of adults who’ve been masking their entire lives assume this is just what adulthood feels like. That everyone is this worn down all the time. It takes some serious reflection to realise there might be more going on.
Why it Goes Unnoticed for So Long
Believe it or not, but masking is often praised, indirectly or not. People get told they’re “easy to be around,” “so chill,” “so well-adjusted,” without realizing it took five mental gymnastics routines to respond to small talk about the weather. Actually, for adults who weren’t identified as autistic or neurodivergent earlier in life, the pressure to perform a version of “normal” became a survival skill.
That survival skill then becomes identity. So when someone starts to peel back those layers, it can be disorienting. Who are you when you’re not trying to impress, charm, placate, or disappear? It can feel terrifying at first, but also freeing.
The Mental Health Toll
Now, you really need to understand that masking doesn’t just make you tired. Oh no, it can actually go far beyond that. Actually, it can lead to anxiety, depression, chronic stress, and emotional numbness. If you’re always acting a part, there’s little space to rest, process, or show up authentically. So then, over time, this disconnect can make it hard to know what you even enjoy anymore, or what kind of rest you need.
Many adults who discover they might be autistic start by following this trail of burnout. They stumble upon terms like masking, and suddenly the fog starts to lift. But of course, for some, learning how to get tested for autism as an adult becomes a major turning point. It’s not about chasing a label, it’s about finding a name for the thing that never quite made sense.
Reclaiming Energy and Identity
So what happens when someone decides to unmask? It’s not an overnight switch. It’s messy, awkward, and deeply personal. But the benefits are real. Even making small shifts, like stimming when you need to, opting out of social events that drain you, or choosing clothes that actually feel comfortable, can start to add energy back into your life.
But it also means building a life that actually fits. For example, seeking out people and environments where masking isn’t required. Saying no to roles or tasks that force constant performance. And yes, sometimes it means resting more than you think you “should.”
When Boundaries Feel Like a Radical Act
Alright, so for those who are used to people-pleasing as a form of safety, setting boundaries can feel extreme. But part of unmasking is acknowledging that your needs are valid, even if they’re different. That saying no, asking for quiet, or needing extra processing time isn’t selfish, it’s sustainable. Seriously, remember that!
Actually, reclaiming that space also invites self-compassion. Maybe the dishes aren’t done and your texts are piling up, but you’re learning to breathe again. That counts. And maybe the people around you won’t always understand, but the ones who matter will notice the difference when you’re finally allowed to just be.
Not Everyone Sees it Coming
Actually, so many adults out there end up exploring a neurodivergent identity do so after hitting a wall. Actually, factors like a mental health crisis, a major life change, or parenting a neurodivergent child might spark the realisation. For others, it’s a slow build of quiet discomfort that eventually turns into curiosity. But really, it’s not like there’s an expiration date on self-understanding. There’s no “too late” for figuring out what makes you feel more alive, more grounded, and more at peace.
The Right Support Can Make a Difference
Ideally, just finding community, whether online, in-person, or through therapy, can be a lifeline. Like a major one. So, just knowing you’re not alone in your experiences helps rewrite old stories about being too much, too weird, or too sensitive. But other than that, just working with a therapist who understands neurodivergence can also help make sense of years spent masking. It’s a chance to untangle the coping from the core self. And from there, things start to open up.
Making Peace with a Different Kind of Life
Unmasking doesn’t mean becoming someone new. A lot of people make that mistake, but no, it’s not like that. Actually, it means getting closer to the person you’ve always been. That might mean changing jobs, changing habits, or changing how you show up in the world. It doesn’t always look neat. There will be setbacks and moments where it feels easier to go back to the script. But there’s also joy in realizing you don’t need a script anymore.
Some people will understand. Some won’t. But the most important shift comes when you start understanding yourself.
You Don’t Have to Earn Rest
The pressure to perform, to fit in, to be “on” all the time is loud. It tells people they’re only worthy when they’re achieving or blending in. But rest, softness, and authenticity aren’t things to be earned. They’re necessary. Burnout isn’t a badge of honor. It’s a signal. And for many adults, it’s the first clue that there’s more to their story than they thought. So if you’re feeling that kind of tired, the kind of sleep doesn’t fix it, maybe it isn’t laziness.
