- What my grandfather told me from his bed after heart surgery
- Why time is the one resource that cannot be replaced
- How a family that feels good together lifts every generation in the room
My Grandfather’s Answer
Tony Robbins once suggested in one of his recordings that everyone interview their grandfather and ask him what matters most in life. My grandfather was 90, in bed and recovering from heart surgery, when I asked him and recorded it. I was certain he would say family. He was all about family.
He had just almost died, and before he answered, his voice cracked and he tried not to cry. I felt that he was realizing the value of his health, and that he had almost lost his family. Then he told me that the most important thing is health. I was surprised. I asked, “Health? Not family?” He said, “Without your health, you can’t enjoy your family.” He lived to 104.
He was always healthy. He walked 5 miles a day. He rode a stationary bike for 30 minutes a day, too. He did what he knew best to stay healthy. On weekends we would go over and spend time, and he would often sit quietly, smiling and enjoying everyone. Then he went for a stress test, was told he was fine, and had a heart attack right as he left the hospital. The heart attack led to heart surgery.
The Value of Time Together
I have thought about my grandfather’s answer many times since. At first I heard it as a statement about being healthy in general. Over the years I have come to hear more in it. What he was also saying was that the time we can spend with our family, our legacy, is the most important thing we have, and that we want not just to be able to do it, but to appreciate it and cherish it.
Time is the one resource that cannot be replaced. Once the other resources are in place, time is what remains, and time well spent has the highest value. Feeling good is what makes that time worth having. It is also a barometer, a sign that overall, things are going well.
Unnecessary stress, painful feelings that we hold onto, and worries about health that we can let go of, even when we aren’t aware of how, are all a waste of our greatest resource, when it can be so much simpler.
Being Present with Family
Anyone who has sat through a family holiday in a bad mood, whether their own or someone else’s, knows how much a bad mood can change a room and create tension in self and others. Moments we don’t get back.
I was often the one who didn’t want to be at holiday events. My sensitivity to others, and to being in a room, wasn’t something I could control yet, so I was overwhelmed, and I would fight not to be there. I was a child, so I didn’t have the strategy to work through it yet This upset my parents, who wanted everyone to be in happy harmony. Looking back, I know it was my own patterns, as a teenager or even older, that triggered me to act closed off and not want to communicate with others. Today I know that every moment is meant to be worked through and cherished.
Looking back, what I notice most about my grandfather is how he sat on those weekends, quietly smiling, enjoying everyone. He was in the room in a way I often was not. Being at the table is one thing, and being present at it is another. I believe health includes the ease inside that lets us do that. That may be part of what he understood from his bed: the point of health is being able to enjoy the people you love, and that depends on how we feel inside as much as on how the body performs.
My Grandfather’s Walks for Charity
Once he felt better, he didn’t waste a minute. He went back to his walking, he gave more time to those in need, and he made sure he was seeing his family as much as possible. He had a soft spot for families making sure they could feed their kids, so he raised money for charities that did that. He was financially independent in his retirement. Even so, he would collect cans on the street when he walked.
People thought that he himself was in need of the money, but he was actually feeling the need to lessen others’ suffering. The cans were waiting there as he walked. He survived two world wars, and he didn’t think it beneath him to collect these cans for charity. He kept notes and receipts, and he donated over $10,000 from his walks. It was charitable exercise. Imagine if every time you exercised, you were helping to ease others’ hunger. I can only imagine how much he looked forward to it.
Family Harmony Across Generations
I have a theory that when the members of a family are feeling good together, it’s like an orchestra performing together with a perfect symphony, and everyone in the room has that elevated experience. I believe this is especially true when younger generations spend time with their elders and I Have some science to back it. This can create harmony between members of the family.
Families with significant wealth think a great deal about what they will pass down: businesses, properties, and values. My grandfather’s answer, given from his bed, points to what comes before all of it, which is health and the time to enjoy it together. His own legacy includes the families he helped feed, one can at a time.
If time with the people you love is the most valuable resource you have, what would it be worth to feel your best for it?
